Kinder "Happy" Hippos

Let's turn our attention to Kinder Happy Hippos. 

So friggin' adorable, right?

WRONG. Dead wrong. You see, there's nothing "Happy" or even "Kind" about Kinder Happy Hippos. Nothing at all. Here's why...

We've all seen them before, keeping it real at the corner deli, sitting pretty in layers of sweet crumbs and sprinkles. They stare at you, wide-eyed, from inside their cocoon of packaging. And you stare back because they're cute. And little. 

But what do you really see in Kinder Happy Hippos? Look again. Do you see it? Do you? Can you read their faces? Well, here's what I see: I see lil' brows suspiciously arched. I see crusty nostrils flared in rage. I see chocolate pupils dilated in sheer panic.  It not only makes me shiver, it makes me wonder. What have they done? Where is the body? 

I will never know the answer to those questions. But what do know is this: I will never support such shady, sick liars with my hard-earned 99 cents.  I will never fuel the fire inside them. Ever.